Phailure Phoenix

I completely didn't even try to participate in the Austin 70.3.  Without any training, I realized that I would just be setting myself up for a world of hurt if I even attempted it.  I don't feel good about not trying, it's really not like me.  I felt out of habit of running, or even walking for that matter, and went to a place that was really unhealthy.  Maybe it was a bit of depression caused by not running, or not running because of depression - it's a catch-22.  Not good.

But the great thing about being a sentient being is that I was able to see my flaws, want to make a change, and have started towards that path.   Today is day one of a three day juice cleanse.  I have not cheated at all!  I'm signed up for two half marathons in March.  I will re-enlist for the Austin 70.3 in 2014.  And although I haven't tied on the runners, I think about it constantly.  And from where I'm trying to pick myself up from, that's a step in the right direction.

On a sidenote - Dusty is doing great!  He's just turned a year old, is happy, healthy and strong.  Finally he's consistantly sleeping through the night.  I'm hoping that I can start to get back on some kind of regular sleep/wake schedule myself.  I've been taking a Tylenol PM to get to sleep every night for the past week or so.  That ends tonight as well.

Here's to clean living!

Weight:  140.8

Exercise:  Dreaming 

Maybe I can get a run in.

Today, although not very active physically, I sure did give my credit card a workout getting the plans together for the Half-Iron. Between the hotel, car rental, flights, bike transport and the race registration I paid previously, I think I'm about $2g into this little adventure. Holy Shit! Spending two grand for a vacation that is bound to have me in tears in some respect or other, wow, I didn't think I would ever be looking forward to something like this. I am so excited for this race! I love having something to train for, and the full reality of what I need to do has hit me full on today.

In that spirit, I decided last minute to sneak in a run between work and dinner. My awesome husband picked up Dusty from daycare so I could head straight home to get ready. Even though I didn't have to stop at daycare, it still took me 45 minutes to get ready. Ridiculous. When I finally did get the baby's diaper changed, a few cuddles, water bottles for me, Dusty and the dog, strap the baby in the stroller, collar the dog and find some podcast to listen to, I was only able to muster up a 3.5 mile run. It was still really hot out and yesterday's 40-mile ride really did me in. Oof.

Euflexxa, I flexxa!

While I was training for The Marine Corps Marathon in 2011, I developed a lot of pain in my knees. I went to a knee and hip specialist, and persona friend, Dr. Brad Crow, who did some X-rays and let me know that I had some pretty bad arthritis in my knees. I always knew my knees where bad, they run in the family, but to have a diagnosis of arthritis was honestly a bit sad. Arthritis! It's for Old People. At the time, I was on the cusp of 40, so I didn't think I qualified as Old People.

At the time, Dr. Brad gave me steroids in my knee so that I could finish my training and run the race. After the race, I went through six weeks of twice weekly physically therapy to get myself on the mend. Then, I was trying to get pregnant and wasn't trying to push myself so hard. And then pregnancy, then months of months of learning how to take care of the thing. I didn't get around to running until March of this year. After more than a year of not running I thought the knee may have healed or repaired itself or something, but no such luck.

To help my knees out this time, Dr. Brad recommended Euflexxa for my knees {www.euflexxa.com/}. It's a series of three shots, one week apart, that have the same result as steroid shots but should last longer. I should only need to get the shots once a year.

Here's a pic of me getting the last of my three shots from Dr. Brad's wife, Emily, who's also pretty damn smart about knees and hips. Also some pics of my crap knees. These are from two years ago, I can only imagine how much worse they are now.

Not cut out for working mom life

I started back to work on March 13 and that's pretty much when my training ended. I am not finding a balance between work and home. When I'm at work, I feel guilty about things I should be doing at home. And when I'm at home, I feel guilty about things I should be doing at work. But there are some workplace benefits, read below.

There have been a few things I've done since I last wrote that I'm fairly proud of. First, on March 16 I ran a 10k, with stroller and baby, down in Santa Cruz. My time ended up being around 63-minutes or thereabouts. It was not a difficult run, but I feel for having not run more than 4 miles in training for that race that I didn't do too bad. Also, I did a three day juice cleanse at the end of April. I only cheated once on that one, and that was to have a kale salad. Not as spectacular a fail as the other juice cleanse attempt.

Trying to get back on the road to working out I joined a bootcamp class offered through my work. I can take the class during lunch so it's a doable plan. Class is three days a week. Yesterday was the first class - running, plank, crunches, ugh - but I felt OK after. Today, I had already planned to work from home and didn't make class. Slacking on day two! No that's more my style! Wish me luck!

Not even going to try to pretend anymore

This juice cleanse, and my failure to follow through with it, has made me depressed and bitchy. Not good. Today, I've decided to not even pretend that I'm doing the cleanse anymore. Had eggs, bacon, tortillas, avocado, cheese and salsa for breakfast - guilt free! It was tasted like the best breakfast ever. Better even than a Las Vegas breakfast buffet with all you can drink Hollandaise ( Happy Hollandaise! ).

What I've learned from this juice cleanse experiment is that I need to just keep on top of the exercise and not eat so damn much. Duh! Right? It's a no brainer and common knowledge but it has never seemed to, I don't know, be a rule that I've followed. But after baby, I'm thinking that I better tattoo this bit of info on my arm.

So, as the first day of my new life of eating not healthy but not so much and exercising more, I went running and hiking! Ran 4.5-miles with baby and stroller and did a 4-mile hike with husband, dog and baby. Again, my stupid Garmin died so I'm not sure of calories burned. Damn. What I do know is that I felt really good on the run and the hike. Felt strong. It's been a while since I've had a two exercise day, let alone one where I felt awesome on both outings. I hope this attitude holds out. I like this me.

Weight: 142.8
Exercise today: hike and run

Pizza cleanse!

How great would it be if that were actually a thing? A pizza cleanse. A taco fast. A milkshake colonic. Now I'm just getting gross.

I was starving all day. It is way too hard to do a cleanse while I'm at home surrounded by food all day, driving around passing fast food, making lunches for husband. Temptation awaits around every corner. There is SO MUCH FOOD EVERYWHERE! And most of it isn't good or good for you. No wonder the country is so fat.

Starving.

So when Dave called on his way home from work and said he was going to pick up Xachary's for dinner, I knew I'd cave. And I did. Gloriously. Tragically, even washing the pizza down with ranch dip and a Mike's Hard Lemonade chaser. Bliss.

Weight: 142.8

I'm a cheater

Ohmyfriggin'god I was so hungry. I totally cheated. I went to McDonald's and had a Quarter Pounder Meal for lunch! I'm hoping that all the lemon juice that's in my cleanses will get it out quickly. I feel so guilty. I'm a horrible person.

Weight: 141

No juice for you

Today was supposed to be my first day of a five day Nektar juice cleanse. I was not planning on exercising because I've done juice cleanses before and I know they leave me feeling pretty lethargic. There are so many benefits of them that I'm fine taking an exercise break ( as if I need an excuse ) like gorgeous skin, and .... and ... well, my skin looks great. Oh, and I should drop a few #'s.

My juices did not show by 10am like they were supposed to. So I had a small Greek yogurt, 2% with the fruit mix-in. So good! By 11:30, still no juice and I'm starving so I make two quesadillas with sour cream and salsa. I'm resigned that the cleanse will have to start tomorrow so I go to Taco Bell. This is how I am. Terrible.

Exercise today: Guilt and regret
Weight: 146.6

The longest miles

Saturday I went for my long run of the week - only 4.5 miles but it's the longest I've done in more than a year. Took me 55 minutes. It is so deflating to run such a short distance, taking so long and feeling so exhausted afterwards. Boy, do I give myself some credit for the training I did for Marine Corps Marathon. I remember those days, just up and run 18 miles without a warmup and at a consistent 10-minute miles. I really hope to get back to that soon, and when I do I will finally be proud of my running.

Exercise today: 4.5 mile run with baby, BOB and dog
Weight: 143.6

Reality check? Check!

So I was beginning to feel pretty good about this whole working out thing. Was feeling strong, felt I was making progress. Sunday's workout was supposed to be a yoga class and then a lap around the Lafayette Reservoir. But there was some construction snafu at the yoga place and all of the mats and gear ended up covered in plaster dust so they were spending Sunday. Owning cleaning up. Workout ended up being a ham and cheese crepe and two laps around the Lafayette Reservoir (5.4 miles of walking) while pushing the stroller. Forgot to wear my Garmin, so not sure what my calorie and rate were. In any case, I was pooped!

And today, Monday. I was gong to start the week right. I went for a run sans baby but with the dog. Felt pretty good. (3.52 miles, 41:21 TRT, and 390 calories.) After that I had a one hour session with a personal trainer who was gong to go over how to use the TRX equipment. What I didn't realize was that the trainer was going to do a full fitness assessment and total a TRX workout. The workout was great, I love TRXs but I'm so out of shape. I didn't realize how out of shape I was! Oh my god! I have to start over!

The sad reality is that I'm 29% body fat (33% is considered overweight). Sadness. Sadness.

Weight: 148 (!!!!) according to the gym scale and with my shoes on!
Today's workout: Run and TRX

No picture today because it's too awful.

Ahhhhh....Saturday Family Day

So after my long two days of working out so hard (ha!) I thought I deserved a day of relative rest. My husband wanted to mountain bike and I wanted a hike so we loaded up the baby and the dog for a trip to Briones. While the east coast suffers some fish-named storm, I was loving some bright blue skies and 60-degree weather. There's a reason I live where I do.

I'm a big fan of baby wearing. I'll strap the kid in the Ergo while I make dinner, walk the grocery store and hike for hours. He loves looking up at the contrast of bare branches against the sky. I love it when he finally stops squirming around and falls asleep. Even though Dusty's still little and needs a booster in his carrier, he's still 13+ pounds of extra weight.

Here are the hike details:
1:22:24 total hike time
2.86 miles
28:48 avg pace
235 calories burned

Today's weight loss sabotage brought to you by yesterday's malted cookies and cream ice cream.

Weight: 143.8
Today's activity: Hiking

My friend BOB

As part of my training plan, I've decided to run the Santa Cruz 10k on April 7. Well, "run" may be optimistic. It's going to be more like pushing the B.O.B. with the baby for 6 miles of suffering. I do this in the hope that if I train with B.O.B., then when I get to run without it I'll run like the wind. Yeah, yeah, I've already said I'm being optimistic.

This leads me to today's activity - running with B.O.B, baby and dog for a flat 3.5 mile run along the Canal Trail. TRT was 44:12, avg pace 12:18 and calories burned 378. Does that 378 include the 30#'s I pushed the whole way?

Wouldn't matter anyway because here are three other things I did today: Ate fried cheese curds (from Forge in Oakland), made malted cookies 'n cream ice cream, had Korean BBQ for dinner, and ate a bag of kettle corn at the movies (saw Zero Dark Thirty - meh). That's four, I know. Diet sabotage, but tomorrow's another day.

Weight: yeah, right.
Today's workout: Running!

Getting started is always the hardest part

Four months ago today I had my son, Dusty Cash.  While i could go on about how great he is and how he's changed my life in huge positive ways, I won't.  This isn't that kind of mommy blog.  This is about me trying to do something for myself while taking care of the kid.  My goal is to complete the Austin Half-Ironman on October 27, 2013.

The last event I completed was The Marine Corps Marathon in DC, October 2011.  My time was somewhere in the 5+ hour range.  Not great, but I finished.  Yesterday, I ran 3.36 miles in 40:35.  So disappointing.  There's a long road ahead of me to get to that H-I.

Within the last week, I've started to get back into the groove of working out.  Sunday I did a flat road bike ride, 20 miles.  Yesterday's very sad run.  And today, back to the gym with 30 minutes elliptical and 10 laps in the pool.  It feels good to be getting back into the game.

Weight: 144
Today's workout: Gym (elliptical and swim)